The Gray Theater
by I'm-A-Fallen-Angel39
Summary: Logan and Kendall love each other but neither of them realize it.Logan thinks Kendall will never love him starts to cut himself.When Kendall finds out he finds out in the worst way possible.He finds out when Logan tries to kill himself.I suck at summarys
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**A/N: Alright I would just like to say first off the reason I am writing this is because I think Kogan is cute and because I think this would work really well. Second I would like to say I don't own Big Time Rush! Though I wish I did just so I could make Logan and Kendall get together. And third I suck at summaries and Titles so if you have suggestions for titles please tell me.**

**WARNING: Self-harm slash and suicidal thoughts/actions. If you don't like any of that don't read it! No one's forcing you to. I have given you a fair warning so you can't say I didn't.**

**3rd person pov:**

Logan Mitchell sat in the bathroom of his band's apartment at the Palmwoods; a razor is being held shakingly over his left forearm. He watched with a sick satisfaction as he pressed the blade against his pale skin, blood pouring from the vertical slash he drew. He repeated this same action on his other arm and watched as the blood slowly dripped into the sink.

He quietly sighed and soon started bandage his fresh wounds knowing that his friends would be coming to check on him before long. Weather it would be James or Carlos he didn't know, though he definitely knew it wouldn't be Kendall. No, Kendall was out on a date... with Jo.

No one knew how much that just the fact alone, of Kendall going out with Jo, broke Logan's heart ... and most likely not for the reasons you would think. You see he didn't have feelings for Jo; all his hidden feelings were for Kendall. He's been in love with the other boy, his best friend and band mate, since junior high, but it's not like he would ever tell anyone that simple fact any time soon.

Logan sighed again as he finished putting all his stuff away and walking out the bathroom door; running into James as he did so.

"Hey, buddy! I was just coming over to check on you. You okay, Logan, because you've seemed kind of down in the dumps lately," James said, with a small hint of concern in his voice, not too much though. Many wouldn't believe it, and James wouldn't admit to it either, but he really was a softie who truly cared about his friends, nor was he as self-centered as he made himself out to be.

Logan faked a smiled and felt very relieved when he noticed that James didn't realize that it was forced smile, or that he also seemed irritated.

"Yeah, I'm fine, James. I've just been a little stressed lately and am starting to think it's just getting to my head is all," he lied smoothly to his friend, secretly regretting that he couldn't tell his friend the truth about any of his problems.

_But it isn't a complete lie, _he reasoned with himself, _because he had been under a lot of stress lately; just not for the same reasons they assumed._

"Well then, do you want to go down to the pool with me and Carlos?" James smiled, "We can tan and watch as Carlos shamelessly tries to get a date with one of the Jennifer's," James chuckled shaking his head at the thought, but you could see there was mischief deep in his eyes.

Logan quickly thought about it, but then decided against going as he remembered that was where Kendall and Jo were having their date. He didn't want to face the pain of seeing them act a romantic, so he said, "Thanks, but no. I'll just stay here and... get caught up on my school work and just relax here where it's quiet."

"Alright... well then have fun. We won't be out for too long, and Kendall should be home soon," James said, before he turned around and walked away looking for Carlos, if Logan had seen the look in James' eyes when he turned around he would have seen the concern he had in his eyes as he left.

He sighed when James was out of view and thought, _I really hope he's wrong and they are _all_ out late, tonight. The only good thing about staying in the apartment alone is that Katie and Mrs. Knight are at a family reunion, because they are way too nosey and would never leave me alone until they figured out my secret ... all of them. I really don't want that happening, because if they did find out they would tell the whole band and that, most likely, wouldn't be too good. They'd probably just be disgusted, never talk to me again, and kick me out of the band for good. _Just that thought alone brought tears to his brown eyes.

As soon as he heard the door slam shut signaling that James and Carlos had left the room he turned and walked into the room he shares with Kendall. No one knew it, but he hated sharing a room with him, because it is extremely hard to keep his secret hidden the longer they were together.

Slowly he took out his homework knowing that soon someone would be home and he didn't want to make anyone suspicious, knowing that James is most likely going to tell everyone why he didn't come along. In reality he just really wanted to run back to the bathroom, grab his razor, and slash his wrists to little, thin ribbons, but, no, he would not only slice his arms, he would slice his legs, his stomach, his sides, his chest, then, his throat. Blood would be going all over the place draining him of his life source, draining him dry.

Though it had just been an unlikely daydream, and he would never admit it, but he was now actually considering it. For the first time in his life Logan Mitchell was actually considering suicide.

*At the Pool*

"Hey guys! Where's Logan?" Kendall called, looking around as he saw Carlos and James walking towards him and Jo.

"He's still in the apartment. He said he wanted to finish up some school work, which that by it's self concerns me, because he got all his homework finished like two weeks ago. Usually he would've finished it by now, and last time I checked he _did _have it all finished," James said with concern evident in his voice and a frown plastered on his face.

"I'm sure he's fine," Kendall said as he turned back to Jo; but not before noticing his friend's facial expressions, "but if it makes you feel better I'll go check on him in a minute," he added as an afterthought. They smiled as they walked off to do their own thing; for Carlos that was jumping into the pool causing a big splash and James going to flirt with some random girl.

Truth be told Kendall was more worried than he let on. Logan had been very distant lately from them all, but mostly with Kendall. Sure, they were all worried about him, they considered Logan the baby of the group. He was always the smallest and the most innocent, the other boys wouldn't let anything happen to him, no matter what, he was the youngest and the boys all felt responsible for him.

Especially Kendall, but only Jo knew that Logan had feelings for the brunette boy. He told her after finally giving up on trying to get her to go on a date with him.

_*Flashback*_

"_Alright, look Jo, I know that you have a boyfriend back home so I'll stop harassing you. . . but I do need some advice," Kendall said looking at her with uncertainty on his face._

_Jo looked at him shocked; she hadn't expected him to give up so quickly. "Yes, Kendall? What do you need advice on?" she asked with a smile. She was happy that he wouldn't be bugging her anymore but at the same time absolutely shocked. She had heard that he never gave up when he wanted to go out with someone, unless he lost fair and square._

"_Well there's somebody else I really, really like, but I don't think they like me back in the same way," Kendall said looking down at his shoes miserably._

"_Well, who is she? Maybe I could talk to her," Jo suggested happily that he liked someone else besides her. She quickly noticed Kendall looking down at worn and torn shoes, while mumbling something she couldn't quite make out. She also saw that he also looked ashamed, like if he told her she would slam the door in his face. "What was that? I didn't hear you," Jo said, now frowning, confusion gracing her features._

What has him so upset?_ Jo wondered in concern and curiosity._

_He sighed and said in a hushed voice hoping that no one else would overhear what he was about to fess up to, "I'm in love with Logan, and I've felt this way since ... I don't know ... Junior High." Jo looked shocked before she smiled brightly and squealed hugging him real quick._

"_Awwwww! That's so cute! You two would look great together!" Jo gushed excitedly, already looking forward to helping her new friend._

"_Well that's the main problem, I don't know if he has any feelings for me or not. I mean I know he's gay- we've known that since, like, before the band even started, or was thought of, but I don't think he has feelings for me in the same way I have them for him," Kendall tells her with the same concerned and uncertain look on his face as before._

_Jo was quiet as she thought before she smiled and said, "Oh, I know what to do! We can pretend like we're dating and see if he gets jealous at all, so that way we'll know if he likes you back! We just can't take it too far though, one of the reasons being because of my boyfriend and two because we don't want Logan to feel like he has no chance with you at all. As we both know that wouldn't too be good."_

_Kendall smiled as he replied, "I think that that might just work. Thanks, Jo, you really are a great friend."_

"_I know. Now, let me just call up my boyfriend and tell him, so if he sees it on the news he doesn't think I'm cheating __on him," Jo replies with a giddy smile._

_*End Flashback*_

"Hey, Kendall! You still in there?" Jo asked as she waved a hand in front of Kendall's face with a frown on her own.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine just thinking about when you promised you'd help me figure out if Logan likes me back or not," he responds with a small smile. "Now, what should we do?" There was a drastic change from his previous mood as he thought of how Logan might not even like him more than as a friend.

"Hmmmm," she hummed with a thoughtful look on her face, then she smiled brightly as she said, "Maybe we could play it up a little bit, you know, maybe spend a little more time together and see if he finally reacts. All-in-all if that doesn't work out, you could always confront him with your feelings." Kendall rolled his eyes as she suggested confronting Logan, which she's been trying to get him to _do,_ since she heard about Kendall loving him.

"Thanks for the suggestion Jo, but I don't think that would work too well," he said with a dejected sigh. He looked so depressed that Jo just had to get up and give him a comforting hug, just a nice friendly one and nothing more.

"Well if it would make you feel any better I could go talk to him," Jo suggests as she walks back to her seat on the opposite side of the table they were sitting at.

"That would be great, Jo," Kendall says with a small smile. "Well, I have to go check on Logan now. I'll see you tomorrow, Jo!"

"Bye, Kendall! See you tomorrow!" Jo yelled after him as he walked into the elevator, hitting the button that said floor two. He turned and waved towards her through the glass door. Though he wouldn't be so happy as soon as he saw what was happening in his and Logan's room.

When he got up to his floor he jogged towards room 2J wanting to make sure Logan was okay. He was determined to make sure the love of his life was perfectly fine. He couldn't even bare the thought of any pain coming to Logan.

As he opened the door and walked to his room he frowned upon hearing what sounded like sobbing on the other side of the door, but as soon as he opened it he stopped short upon the sight greeting him.

**A/N: Cliffy! It's so much fun…:) Please review! It will get me to update** **faster**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

**A/N: …I have nothing to say except in this chapter there will be blood and attempted suicide.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush blah blah blah and all that nonsense…**

**_Previously on The Grey Theatre:_**

**_"Bye, Kendall! See you tomorrow!" Jo yelled after him as he walked into the elevator, hitting the button that said floor two. He turned and waved towards her through the glass door. Though he wouldn't be so happy as soon as he saw what was happening in his and Logan's room._**

**_When he got up to his floor he jogged towards room 2J wanting to make sure Logan was okay. He was determined to make sure the love of his life was perfectly fine. He couldn't even bare the thought of any pain coming to Logan._**

**_As he opened the door and walked to his room he frowned upon hearing what sounded like sobbing on the other side of the door, but as soon as he opened it he stopped short upon the sight greeting him._**

**3rd Person pov:**

Slowly, Kendall walked into his and Logan's shared bedroom, but he didn't turn the light on, because he was afraid; afraid of what he might find. He was hoping Logan was okay and the he had been only imagining the sobbing. He was wrong though, and absolutely horrified when he found Logan; his best friend, and long time crush.

Logan was sitting on the floor near his bed, curled into a ball, sobbing with blood running all down his arms, and an empty pill bottle in his hands. Logan didn't know how he had talked himself into this in less than twenty minutes, but he knew that now nothing was ever going to be the same as it was ever again, and he most likely wouldn't be able survive anyway. After all he knew how to be thorough when trying to kill himself. He had slit his wrists right down the middle and downed an entire bottle of anti-depressants hoping that overdosing would work if by chance he was found before he could bleed out. He looked up slowly when he heard a gasp and saw a horrified looking Kendall who was frozen in his spot.

Kendall didn't know what to think. All that was happened was, he had walked into his room, saw the love of his life trying to kill himself, and he didn't know why. After breaking out of his shocked stupor he quickly raced over to Logan. When he got to him Kendall immediately saw the tear tracks on his face causing tears to well up in his own eyes.

_Now is not the time to cry, Kendall. Right now the guy you love needs your help, _Kendall thought as he blinked back tears. He steadily picked Logan up and carried him to the bathroom without protest from the smaller boy and also without noticing the crumpled up piece of paper that Logan had been clenching in his hand.

When he got to the bathroom he sat Logan on the toilet seat and grabbed a towel pressing it over his still bleeding arms. He noticed the glazed dead look in Logan's brown eyes and panicked. He looked like he didn't care and wasn't ashamed to have been caught trying to kill himself…truthfully though he looked like he wanted to die.

"Logan why? Why did you do this?" Kendall sobbed still not noticing the pill bottle Logan had yet to drop.

"Because," he responded slowly swaying a little bit in his spot, "I want to die." He then let go of the pill bottle making it drop to the floor making a loud smacking sound. Kendall froze and immediately after grabbed the bottle looking at it closely before his eyes widened in horror.

It was a bottle of strong hospital anti-depressants prescribed in Logan's name. Kendall immediately knew that if Logan didn't get to the hospital soon he would die no matter what Kendall did to try and stop it.

After seeing the bottle and the glazed look in Logan's eyes he grabbed his phone and dialed 911.

"911 what's your emergency?" a woman asked sounding incredibly bored.

"My friend just tried to commit suicide. I need an ambulance quick," Kendall replied and if paid close enough attention you could hear the pain in his voice along with panic.

"What is your friend's location?" she asked no longer sounding like she didn't care.

"The _Palm Woods_ hotel in apartment 2J on the second floor. Please hurry I don't know how long he's been sitting here," Kendall replied uneasily. He didn't want to think of how long he had been planning on doing this, he didn't want to know _why _he did it either, and he most certainly didn't want to think that maybe it was his, Carlos' and James' fault that this happened. He was broken from his thoughts when the woman spoke again.

"Okay sir, paramedics are on there way now in an ambulance."

"Thank you," Kendall replied as he looked at Logan whose eyes were now drooping.

"For now try and keep your friend awake," the woman said.

"O-okay," Kendall replied as he hung up the phone. He moved over to Logan and patted him gently on the cheek. "Hey buddy. Help is coming. You're going to be okay."

Logan looked at him and replied, "Kendall…why? Why did you call them?...I want to die…and I'm not worth your time to try and s-save me." Kendall just looked at him completely shocked and horrified that he could think that way. What was worse was the fact that he was stuttering and looking about ready to pass out at any moment.

"Logan of course you're worth it," Kendall said as he looked him in the eye tightly gripping his wrist. Logan hissed softly in pain from his fresh cuts. Kendall immediately pulled back shocked. He had forgotten about the cuts…but what was worse was that he had opened some of the older ones and Logan was now bleeding even more.

"L-Logan I am so sorry and-" he cut off when he noticed Logan bleeding from more than one cut on his arm now. He knew for a fact that Logan had only cut himself a few times and not nearly deep enough to cause it to bleed this badly. He pulled the towel away hesitantly, wiping Logan's arm in the process, and gasped in shock when he saw some of the scars that were marring Logan's ivory skin.

"Logan-," Kendall was cut off as paramedics rushed into the apartment. "We're in here!" Kendall immediately called and they followed his voice to the bathroom where they pushed Kendall to the side of the wall and picked Logan up loading him onto a stretcher.

As they rushed out of the apartment with Kendall following the only thought in Kendall's mind was, _I hope he'll be okay. _While the only thought going through Logan's mind was, _Let me die. Please let me die. The band will probably hate me after this._

When they got to the ambulance the paramedics looked at Kendall and pushed him back.

"You have to let me on, please, he's my best friend!" Kendall screamed trying to push past one of the paramedics.

"We are sorry sir but we cannot allow you to come. We're sorry." Then the paramedics jumped into the ambulance, But before they could close the door Kendall put his hand in the way.

"Please, let me on. I love him."

Instead of arguing the paramedic let him on and the ambulance started up and drove out of sight.

**~At the pool just before the ambulance came~**

Carlos and James were having a great time at the pool. They were both flirting with girls and enjoying swimming. That immediately stopped when an ambulance came zooming into the parking lot with its sirens blaring. Everyone was by now quiet and exchanging glances. They were all worried. Everyone looked back to the parking lot and gasped when the paramedics came running out…with Logan on a stretcher and Kendall trailing closely behind blood all over his shirt.

**A/N: Alright well that's the end of this chapter…please review.**


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